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老屋

来源:湖南日报 彭湘   时间 : 2020-05-22

 

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  老屋在挖机的轰鸣声中缓缓松弛,匍匐到土地上了。空气中的阳光镀上一层灰,飞舞的灰尘看起来无处逃窜,仿佛受了惊吓的鸟雀,在“轰隆隆”的机械声中,也有几丝不安。伴随了我们30年的老屋,此刻彻底消逝了它的神貌。远方的天空,白云辽阔,几朵蓝色的云安静地眺望着天空下的万物,拆掉的老屋发出梦呓般的声音,然后尘归尘,土归土。

  30年前,父亲建新房。辛劳几个月,自己筑窑,自己烧砖,从河里一担一担挑来沙子。那些夜晚,月光洒在两旁长满青草的山路上,还有一些毛剌剌的黏戗子粘在父亲的衣服上,只有他一个身影兴冲冲地在夜色里疾行,准备着建房什物。

  那是村里建的第一栋二层楼房,落成后,我感觉水泥墙壁还是湿湿的,一家四口就搬进去了,房里有一股浓浓的水泥气,还有些呛人。

  住在房子里,我经常做梦,一些清冷的梦,在一个少年的世界里,他是不会解梦的,梦的深处依然是梦。我总是梦到自己站在一条涧边,地下是黑色的水,有一个孤独的身影撑着船在走,我只看到他的背影,那么瘦削清癯,在灰蒙蒙的天空下只是一个小黑点。不知怎么会有这般缥缈的梦,那条河似乎延伸到远方,那个人静静地立着。

  少年的我为什么会遇到这般深沉隐秘的梦?我不知在一个懵懂少年的眼里,为何会有虚无。也许对少年的我而言,每一块石头,每一朵云,每一片叶子,都是神异而陌生的,就像成人期盼温暖呵护只是因从小就没有安全感。小时候,我对屋前那棵橘子树有着期盼,她长叶、开花、结果,由绿色到白色,最后成为橙黄,直到冬日的干枯。

  还有栖止在二楼阳台上的燕子,我总是惦记着它们。越来越多的燕子窝,已经让阳台的几个角落都脏兮兮的,燕子筑窝时脱落的泥巴、鸟屎等斑斑点点,都成为我担心的事,怕有一天燕子被人赶走。从小,我总觉得自己缺少话语的能力,应该是比较木讷,内心深处就像那只会叽叽喳喳的鸟,有很多种声音在心里振翅,可说出来却单调乏味。

  应该说,我是一个无故乡的人,因为没有离开家乡又何谈故土呢?老屋不老,我没有很久很久离开过它,可我也没有特别亲近它。它既不是山上的月亮,那么清晰澄澈,也不是厚实的土地,那么博大宽厚。那时,我经常坐在楼上靠后山的房间窗下,窗外是摇曳的竹枝,我安静地坐在那里看书,我和文字似乎都是孤独而轻盈的,但又有一些神秘雀跃在我心底。

  老屋挟裹着我童年、少年的一段段往事,在春风弥漫的夜晚复苏。老屋已经永远离去,我们还在原地,只是有了不同的房子,那些童年的时光里,老屋是容纳了最多快乐的地方。

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